Fear-Based Thinking vs. Love-Based Thinking: Transforming the Equestrian Paradigm

Fear-Based Thinking: The Traditional Approach 

The most wondrous aspect of horses lies in their ability to reveal the voids within our own lives. I often observe that individuals engage with their equine companions much like they do with fellow humans and the surrounding world. Intriguingly, the challenges we face within the horse industry often reflect those present in society, resonating at their very essence, if not overtly. 

When it comes to the intricate practice of riding and caring for horses, many of us are influenced by a pervasive lens of fear. We are often warned that straying from established methods could result in severe repercussions. This fear-based mindset not only fosters a negative atmosphere but also restricts our capacity for growth and the development of genuine relationships with our equine partners. 

A significant danger of this fear-based mindset is its ability to suppress our cognitive abilities, especially the aspects we consider to be our uniquely human qualities. Fear hinders our curiosity, triggering the age-old fight or flight response within our nervous systems. Fear interferes with problem solving while leading us to form rigid, emotionally based opinions that are immune to input and logic. We don’t try to understand our horses when we’re in crisis mode. We don’t listen or learn. There is no time for creativity or new ways of seeing things. Our mind is pulled to simple, quick solutions and what seemed to work before, even when that is the worst possible thing we could do.

Horses are incredible creatures that adapt to a wide variety of unnatural environments and allow humans to ride and interact with them. They deserve more credit than we often give them. Approaching them with love-based thinking offers a transformative approach to horsemanship. As riders, we must shift our mindset from one of control to one of positive manifestation. Instead of fearing that we won't achieve something or that something negative will happen, we should focus on allowing what we want to happen and manifest it through intention. This love-based thinking opens up a world of possibilities and creates a more intuitive and receptive relationship between horse and rider.

Intention Over Frustration: The Power of Positive Manifestation

The dialogue between horse and rider is a complex interplay of physical cues and energetic communication. By adopting love-based thinking and a positive, intentional mindset, riders open themselves up to a world where equine companionship flourishes without the constraints of fear and control.

When we engage with our horses and our rides from a place of frustration and a desire for control, we hinder opportunities for growth and connection. Instead, we should prioritize setting clear intentions and letting them unfold organically. While establishing clear boundaries is essential, it’s equally important to listen. Riders must be receptive to the messages their horses convey. We need to adapt to the emotions and limitations of our equine companions and realize that these limitations may be momentary, but if we force an action, it may result in a permanent hindrance. This change in perspective fosters a more harmonious and intuitive bond with our horses.

As riders, it's essential for us to cultivate trust in ourselves and our horses. By establishing clear intentions and letting them develop naturally, we foster an environment for deeper communication and understanding. This love-based approach not only benefits the horse but also enhances our own experience as riders. We find ourselves more present and attuned to the subtle cues and energies that our horses share with us. Trust becomes a two-way street, where both horse and rider feel secure and understood, fostering a partnership built on mutual respect and empathy.

In this nurturing environment, horses are more likely to respond positively, as they sense our openness and willingness to collaborate with them rather than control them. The journey becomes a shared adventure, where exploration and learning are encouraged, and every ride is an opportunity to deepen the connection. Over time, this approach cultivates a resilient bond that withstands challenges and celebrates successes, enriching the lives of both horse and rider.

Ultimately, love-based thinking transforms the equestrian experience into one that is less about achieving perfection and more about embracing the joy of the journey together. It invites us to be patient, to listen, and to celebrate the unique partnership we share with these magnificent creatures.

Love-Based Thinking: Paving the Way for Harmony and Understanding

As we reevaluate and reconstruct our relationship with horses, we pave the way for an equestrian paradigm where harmony and understanding reign supreme. Love-based thinking allows us to prioritize the well-being of the horse and form deeper connections with our equine partners. By approaching our rides and interactions with horses from a place of love and positive intention, we create an environment where both horse and rider can thrive. 

I believe most equestrians want the best for their horses and they want to have FUN with them. Most equestrians are also quite capable of listening to their horses. We often choose not to notice (or hear) things that either create fear or go against our plan for the day. By just slowing down and removing the rigid agenda we can learn a lot from our horses. This doesn’t mean you can’t follow a plan or have a goal, but think of it as a flexible plan, for you and your horse. Simple things like honoring your horses request to not do something can make a big difference. Don’t worry, you are’t LOSING the battle! That is a fear based thought ;)

When we let go of fear and control and embrace love and intention, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. We become more attuned to our horses' needs and desires, and we develop a deeper understanding of their unique personalities and capabilities.

In this new equestrian paradigm, riders become partners with their horses, working together in harmony and mutual respect. Love-based thinking allows us to tap into the true potential of our equine companions and create a bond that goes beyond the confines of traditional training methods.

Fear-based thinking has long dominated the equestrian world, limiting our potential for growth and connection. By shifting to love-based thinking and setting clear intentions, we can transform our relationship with horses (and maybe each other) and pave the way for a new equestrian paradigm where harmony and understanding reign supreme. Let us embrace this transformative approach and create a future where love and intention guide our every ride.

Exteroception: The Art of Finding the Feel

    Exteroception, in its most general form, is the sensitivity to stimuli originating outside of the body. It applies to all our senses. In riding and working with horses there are three forms of exteroception that I think are most important – vision, touch, and sensitivity. Each of these faculties are important on its own, but as an equestrian, having them work together seamlessly is important to achieve that intuitive skill, “feel”.  My definition of that elusive term “feel” is the ability of the horseman to perceive, respond, and communicate with a horse’s thoughts and movements through vision, touch, and sensitivity. 

            Why is vision a part of “feel”? Horses and humans are visual by nature. Horses have a large field of vision, and they rely on it to protect them from harm. Horses, by nature, are also imitators. Doing what other horses do and looking where other horses are looking helps protect them from harm. Horses will follow your vision and react to what they perceive your focus and intention to be. After all, you are part of the herd. When you watch experienced, confident riders, you notice they can notice what is happening around them. They can keep their eyes up and use their peripheral vision to focus outside of themselves. More novice or less confident riders tend to be more focused on their current position and often miss things going on around them. If you have ever ridden in a crowded warm-up arena, you know how difficult keeping up with many other horses and riders can be. This is just one way you can learn to use vision to your advantage and improve communication with your horse. 

            Touch may be the most difficult part of exteroception. When we think of touch, we think hands, and the hands are our most used sense of touch. In riding, they are also the most abused. So, we must learn to feel more through the hands and talk less with them. Just as in a verbal conversation, the more talking we are doing the less listening is happening. If you are always trying to tell the horse something with your hands, your hands aren’t receiving much information from the horse. Also, your body contacts the horse (or at least his tack) in more places than at the hands. Your other body parts must be just as open to communication!  For your exteroceptors to be freed up to work properly, your muscles (including the brain), need to be relaxed. There is a lot of science behind explaining mechanoreceptors and proprioceptors, so instead of being overly technical, think about it like a traffic jam. There are only so many lanes heading to the brain and spinal cord to facilitate movement and to detect things like pressure, and movement. If you’re already overcrowding those lanes, by telling your muscles to stay active or overthinking your next move, you are going to cause a traffic jam. Then, nothing is moving, and you are stuck! Now you have jammed up the communication pathway and overwhelmed the horse, who is very sensitive to our thoughts, with an overabundance of information. In learning to “feel”, we really need to learn how to listen better and communicate more softly and clearly.

            Sensitivity or your responsiveness to external stimuli, is a significant part of the “feel”, and the exteroceptor that most people put stock in. Do you know when your horse is stepping with his hind feet? Do you use the right amount of pressure from your aids?  Often, these are things that instructors assume riders already know, but do you? If your touch and vision exteroceptors are working appropriately, your sensitivity and responses will automatically improve. I see a lot of people whose touch and vision exteroceptors are not engaging properly, yet they are trying to create a highly responsive horse. When they don’t get the desired response, the rider uses more, and/or stronger aids to communicate.  That’s like creating a traffic jam all over again!

Riders expect the “feel” to be intuitive, and it feels amazing when it is, but don’t be discouraged when it’s not. This is a process that can be learned and improved.  You just need to dedicate time to training your brain. Some people have an instinct, for “feel”, it comes easier to them, but anyone can learn the process with the right state of mind and direction. Unfortunately, both are often hard to find in traditional riding lessons. 

In a normal riding lesson, the rider is probably already a bit tense because he/she is intent on doing the exercises correctly and gaining approval from the instructor. Even if the lesson is occurring in a stress-free environment for the horse, the horse is now tense because the rider is tense. Now comes the instructor, who is telling the rider exactly how to ride every stride in hopes of creating the desired result. Not that this style of teaching can’t be effective, it can, and it can teach you how to “feel” a certain movement or exercise. What it doesn’t teach is, how to get there without the constant coaching. The instructor is using his/her vicarious “feel” to respond to what the horse and rider are doing. This is why many riders then complain about not being able to recreate their brilliant rides at home. They didn’t learn to feel out those moments, they just responded to what they were being told. It’s not often riders will create the exact circumstances of a lesson on their own. This is why the art of exteroception and learning to feel is so important. 

As horsemen, we need to be able to sense, respond, and direct what is happening right now, in the moment. This may seem like a daunting task, but the rewards are worth the work. Tapping into the art of exteroception makes for more relaxed, confident riding, and more relaxed, confident horse. It isn’t difficult to start learning exteroception and it should be taken in small bites. Otherwise, you risk overloading the system and causing more traffic jams. 

In the beginning, just start to notice. Notice if you are tense or if your horse is tense. Notice if your mind begins to wander. Notice if you are holding tension somewhere in your body. Notice if your horse is holding tension somewhere in their body. Notice without judgement. We are all individuals, including our horses. Our minds and bodies are unique. We are meant to be the same as someone else. Embrace your uniqueness and that of your horse. Notice what feels best for you and your horse. Don’t be afraid to experiment and keep a playful mind. Dressage is not about forcing the horse to do anything. It’s about teaching mindfully and developing a happy athlete.

Always be aware of the stages of learning, and don’t chastise yourself for not being where you want to be. Learn to focus, so you can start reaching your goals. Comparing your ride to someone else’s or comparing the shape of your horse to another, is not exteroception. Nor is it the purpose of dressage. There is no perfect place to be. Dressage is about the journey and what is right for each horse’s body and mind. 

As your expedition continues, relax and be confident! Trust your instincts and experiment with what you feel. What did I notice? What did I think about what I noticed? Can I make a change?  Feeling what is happening and knowing what to do about it is a delicate balance between your logic brain and your gut brain. You can learn to meld these two brains into a powerful ally that will help you on and off the horse. Cultivating these skills is among the most delightful aspects of the equestrian journey.

Embracing the Darkness with Gratitude

    November struts in, like that friend who shows up to the party wearing a flamboyant sweater, demanding attention with fiery red lipstick and a pumpkin spice martini. Goodbye summer, hello foliage! I embrace the warm days because I am not a fan of the cold and shorter days.

As the days grow shorter, let’s try to shift our focus from missing summer to celebrating the beauty of autumn. This season is a gentle reminder that change isn’t something to dread. Just like bears prepping for their long winter nap (jealous, right?), we too can find comfort in nature's lazy rhythm, allowing ourselves to rest while plotting next show season. So as we welcome November, let’s take a deep breath and find joy in the quiet moments.

For my clients and me, this season also offers the perfect time to focus on the foundational work we often skip during the busy months. It’s a time to slow down, to evaluate. I’m excited to use these winter months to go deeper into the themes that so often come up for perfectionists, especially for us ambitious equestrian women. Whether it’s the need to “let go” of rigid expectations, learning how to simply be in the saddle, or nurturing empathy over control, I’m there with you, tackling those same struggles.

I know how it feels to constantly set high standards and push toward goals. But, winter is here to help us remember the joy of savoring the present. I’m setting aside time to reflect and reset—to celebrate the wins, assess the struggles, and set new intentions. So, let’s take these darker days as a chance to ease into introspection, without the rush that summer often brings.

    And what about our horses? They also deserve a chance for a reset. While rest is essential, this downtime doesn’t mean we halt progress completely. It’s an excellent opportunity to reflect on challenges and work on strategic enhancements that don’t require the fast pace of training or competitions. Perhaps it's the time to cultivate trust, deepen our bond, or concentrate on specific training skills that emphasize mental rather than physical aspects. This is a perfect moment to harness the power of observation and identify what you might have overlooked. Recognizing what your horse needs from you to feel comfortable and confident may seem like a minor victory, but it can lead to significant benefits down the line.

    So, what do you have planned for this winter? Join me in taking a step back, recharging, and resetting. Together, we’ll intentionally prepare to lay the foundation for a remarkable spring.

    Here are some simple ways to engage: observe your horse without any specific agenda, be present in every interaction (catching, grooming, tacking, etc.), and cultivate a gentle awareness of your own emotions. Remember, these exercises should be approached without judgment. This season is focused on awareness, not criticism.

    Spend time with your horse, simply observing without the need to correct or train. Pay attention to their expressions, habits, and movements, and practice accepting each moment as it occurs, allowing for a deeper understanding of your horse. Embrace grooming and time spent at the barn as a form of mindfulness, immersing yourself in the details of these tranquil, shared moments. Acknowledge your own emotions around your horse without passing judgment. Recognize any feelings of frustration, excitement, or impatience, and let them flow without acting on them. These efforts foster a calm energy that your horse will reflect, enhancing your connection throughout the winter season.

    Embrace the quiet magic of the season to get you charged for the next competition season! November’s here, with her fabulous, cozy energy—let’s make the most of it.

The Flow of Collection: A Balanced Approach to Dressage Training

    How do you perceive the dressage training pyramid? Traditionally, this scale has been envisioned as a progressive journey, with the art of collection standing as the apex of mastering all tiers. Yet, the term "scale" carries a multitude of meanings. One such meaning is an instrument of measurement, reminiscent of the early, simplistic balances. With this perspective, might we not equally refer to the scale of education as the balance of education?

    In fact, the concept of scale in nature suggests a harmonious interplay of elements rather than a one-way progression. Consider how animals, ecosystems, and even our own bodies rely on balance for survival and thriving. Just as a horse must balance mentally and physically within its training, so too must a rider balance the principles of the training scale in each ride. Rather than treating the scale as a ladder to be climbed with the goal of collection at the top, perhaps we should view it as a dynamic process—where rhythm, relaxation, and connection remain as essential at the end of the training session as they are at the beginning.

    The word “scale” also brings to mind the world of music, where a scale is not something that is “climbed” in a linear sense, but rather a sequence of notes that flow together to create harmony. Musicians use scales as the foundation for every composition, but mastery isn’t in simply reaching the highest note—it’s in how each note relates to the others, how tension and release create a balanced and beautiful piece. The same could be said for the training of a horse. Each “note” or element of the training pyramid—rhythm, relaxation, connection, impulsion, straightness, and collection—must work in harmony to produce balance and flow. No one aspect is more important than the other; they are all interdependent.

    In both music and riding, balance and harmony are ongoing goals, not endpoints. A musician never stops needing to return to the fundamentals, just as a rider never stops needing rhythm, relaxation, and connection. Mastery in either realm doesn’t mean leaving the basics behind but finding a way to integrate them into a harmonious whole.

    If we think of climbing the scale, or pyramid, we often imagine reaching Collection as the pinnacle, as if it’s the final destination where all previous elements can be left behind. This mindset creates a dangerous misconception—that once we achieve collection, we no longer need to focus on the foundational principles of training like rhythm, relaxation, and connection. However, staying solely in collection without returning to those basics often leads to imbalance. When we prioritize collection at the expense of everything else, we start to force straightness, demand impulsion, take contact without softness, and, in doing so, lose suppleness. The natural rhythm that underpins every healthy ride begins to slip away.

    The result? You end up with a tense, unbalanced, unhappy horse who is physically crooked, lacks true impulsion, and becomes disconnected from the rider. Instead of harmony, you have conflict, both in the horse’s body and mind. Just like in any other aspect of life, balance is the key to sustained well-being. A pyramid standing on its tip, with collection as its narrow focus, is inherently unstable. For real balance, we must constantly revisit and reinforce the foundational elements at the base—rhythm, relaxation, and connection—to keep the entire system functioning healthily. In this way, collection becomes a product of balance, not something to be forced or “climbed” to at the expense of other qualities.

    True training, like true balance, requires constant adjustment, an awareness of where we stand, and a willingness to step back to move forward. The horse, as a living, feeling partner, thrives in an environment where balance, both physical and mental, is the focus—not rigid goals of achievement. Balance, not collection, is the real key to harmony and health in horse training.

    To achieve those beautiful moments of true collection and self-carriage, we must not rush or force the process. The middle layers of the training pyramid—Contact, Impulsion, and Straightness—are essential indicators of whether your horse is ready for Collection. But we shouldn’t linger too long here without revisiting the foundational elements. It’s important to return often, and easily, to relaxation, rhythm, and suppleness.

    Contact should never happen at the expense of suppleness. When contact becomes rigid or forced, the horse will lose the fluidity needed to move freely. The connection between horse and rider must be soft and elastic, allowing for give and take, without tension building in the horse’s body. Similarly, impulsion should not compromise rhythm. While impulsion provides energy and forward movement, it must be controlled and harmonious with the horse’s natural tempo. If we push for impulsion without maintaining rhythm, the horse may become rushed, lose its balance, and fall out of sync.

    Straightness, too, cannot be achieved by force. True straightness comes from a supple and relaxed body, where the horse’s energy travels evenly through its entire frame, not just being pushed or held into position. Without suppleness, the horse’s body becomes stiff, and crookedness will inevitably creep in. Therefore, each of these elements—Contact, Impulsion, and Straightness—must work in harmony, supported by the foundational principles of rhythm and relaxation.

    When the horse is ready, Collection emerges naturally. Collection, the apex of the pyramid, should only be asked for when all of the other building blocks are securely in place. It is a highly demanding state, both physically and mentally for the horse, and must be approached with care. In the beginning, ask for small bouts of collection, but always return to relaxation before fatigue sets in. These moments should be brief at first, but as the horse gains strength, balance, and coordination, you can ask for longer periods of collection.

    However, collection is not something to “hold onto” indefinitely. If, during collection, you notice that any of the building blocks—rhythm, relaxation, suppleness, contact, impulsion, or straightness—begin to falter, that’s your cue to return to the basics. Start by revisiting rhythm and suppleness, the foundation of everything. Then reassess the contact, impulsion, and straightness. Only when all of these elements are in balance should you touch on collection again.

    This process should be repeated as many times as necessary to cultivate a horse that is rhythmic and supple in the contact, with impulsion traveling straight through its body into collection. After each successful bout of collection, allow the horse to relax again. This cycle of asking for and then releasing from collection builds confidence and stamina in your horse. Each time you revisit collection, the horse becomes more capable of sustaining it for longer, but remember: never ask for more than the horse is able to give. In fact, it’s best to stop asking for collection before the horse shows signs of strain or discomfort. By stopping early, you leave your horse with a positive experience, which will help him approach collection more willingly next time.